he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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