I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
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