Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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