Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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