Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize