so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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