Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
