Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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