Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
