if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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