I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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