just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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When are your genitals available?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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