i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."