tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Farmville is her only friend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow