It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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