I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She told me I should be a condom model.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.