i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.