The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
this must be what syphilis tastes like
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?