Only a mothe r could love this liver
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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