The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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