apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize