well you can't waste a boner
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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