yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
