i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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