Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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