just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize