Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just gift wrapped bread.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
