I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just had sex bonerless
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
