8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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