wrigley field is MILF paradise
wanna go halves on a baby?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
