Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
