My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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