Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
