My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
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