Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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