you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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