Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
