I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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