You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I want to fling myself into the sun
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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