lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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