Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize