dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize