Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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