By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
