If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize