well I can't set my house on fire every night
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize