You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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