Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
