i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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