i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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