i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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