Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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