PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
