I heard we made out
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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