Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Houston, we have a blender
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
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That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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